Coming out as asexual

   Relationships were always very difficult for me. For many years, I thought I had crushes on people, typically other females, but they were normally atypical. My "crushes" were more emotional rather than physical or sexual. I even came out as a lesbian at the age of 17. 

   When it came to an actual relationship, it was very difficult for me, especially emotionally. Physically, I enjoyed hugging and cuddling, like an infant would, rather than kissing and sexual contact. 

   In regards to the emotional needs of others, I found it difficult to be on the very deep level that is required for a relationship. I was a great listener and I could make someone feel good with a joke or a hug.

   But when it came down to the nitty-gritty, I had trouble with understanding what others thought or even felt, unless they told me. I am also in my own world a lot, and I found it difficult to focus my energy on the needs of another person.

   Now at the age of 32, I have realized that after those years of believing I was a lesbian, and trying to be in relationships with people with great potential, I have failed because I am asexual.

   At times I had crushes, but in reality I was emotionally dependent on females for a mother figure or a caretaker, rather than a lover. Of course, as a teenager in this world, we grow up to think that one has to have an orientation, whether it been gay, bisexual, or straight. 

   But not many people have ever been informed of asexuality before; we have been taught that all humans are sexual beings. Guess what... NOT ALL OF US ARE!

   Well, I am in fact not a "sexual" human being, nor will I ever be. When people say to me, "you just need to find the right person," or that "you can work on your Asperger traits and overcome this," I find it insulting.

   To answer those people I say, "guess what, it is not my Asperger's, or my not being able to find the right person, because if that were true, I would have been in a relationship a long time ago and possibly married by now."

   So, I just want to let everyone know that if you know someone who is coming out as asexual, you should love them for who they are. And if you are coming out as asexual, I am very proud of you and you should BE PROUD!